DISCLAIMER: Don’t belong to me - Yada-Yada, Wish Jim Ellison did - Yada-Yada- Not making any money - Yada-Yada.

I promised to write this story for several people, so here it is. Although I liked the way that “The Sentinel By Blair Sandburg was done, I would have preferred something a little different. So this is my take on how things should have gone down. The story picks up a few days after Jim’s secret is out. There is no Zeller or Megan in my story (this is a Megan-Free zone). And yes, I finally get to use the line I have wanted to use for the last four years.

Huge, gigantic hugs go to the best beta reader, Angie T for her patience, guidance and wonderful suggestions. It’s like having another kid isn’t it, Angie??

RATING: R for violence and minor language

Nice feedback is always welcomed! Flames will be handled accordingly (can you say DELETE button).

WARNINGS: Violence, angst, h/c. Major Jim-owie and some big time Blair angst. Spoilers for TSBBS.

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The elevator trip down to the chief’s office was a quiet one. Jim Ellison stood shoulder to shoulder with his Captain and friend, Simon Banks. Both men knew this was coming, just as they knew this was not a social call. Since the world found out about Ellison’s special talents, the media had been hounding the department for an official announcement. What they were going to say about the matter had to be addressed eventually. Ellison leaned his head against the cool surface of the elevator wall, trying to fight back the headache that had begun to form. The past few days had been the most trying of his life. Nothing could have prepared him for this. He couldn’t figure out what was worse, the world knowing about his abilities, the stress that arose from this knowledge, or the fact that his friend and guide would now be leaving. Sandburg’s dissertation was done. Why would he stay?

The doors opened and the pair slowly made their way toward the chief’s office. Simon took a deep breath and glanced at Ellison before knocking.

“Enter,” boomed the voice from behind closed doors.

The pair entered. The chief of police swung his chair around to face his men, never offering either of them a chair. “What the hell are we going to do about this, Ellison?!” the voice demanded.

Suddenly feeling flushed, Jim Ellison stood with hands clenched behind his back. He looked at the chief. “I don’t know what you want me to say, sir.”

The man stood. He leaned his body against his desk so roughly that his knuckles began to turned white. “What I want you to say?! Is that all you can give me?! Do you know what you have done, Detective? What you have done to this department? You have made us the laughing stock of Cascade, hell, probably the whole state! Every scumbag lawyer is lining up at the courthouse trying to get their clients a new trial!! Do you know the harm you have inflicted on your fellow officers? They can’t concentrate on their duties because there are cameras in their faces constantly. We have hundreds of reporters staked out in front of the precinct. We are a God damn joke, Detective, and you have the nerve to tell me you don’t know what to say?!!”

The man crossed the room and stood staring out the window, glaring at the camera crews who took up residence in front of the building. Simon glanced at Ellison. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for his detective. He knew Jim well enough to know that the chief’s little speech must have torn Ellison’s heart out. Jim wiped his brow.

“You’re right, Sir. I’m sorry if I have caused this department any embarrassment. That was not my intention. I never wanted this to happen. I take full responsibility for everything that has occurred. If I could change what has transpired, I would, but I can’t.”

The chief made his way back to his chair. “How long did you know about this, Captain?”

Jim waved off Simon before he could speak. “This is my problem, Sir. This has nothing to do with Captain Banks.”

The man ignored the detective. “I want an answer, Banks.”

Simon cleared his throat. ‘I’ve known for about four years.”

Jim took a deep breath and closed his eyes. This was turning into a bigger nightmare than he ever expected. He didn’t mind having to suffer the consequences, but pulling his friend down with him was more than Ellison could bear. “Listen, Sir, this is my problem and my problem alone. Captain Banks should not be reprimanded for this. He was just…..”

Ellison was cut off when the chief waved his hand. “That’s enough out of you, Ellison. You have caused this department enough damage, and your supervisor stood by and let this happen!”

The man picked up a thick folder from his desk. Glancing for a moment at the contents, he handed the folder to Ellison. “Do you know what this is, Detective?”

Jim peered at the contents and after a moment closed the folder. “Yes sir, these are cases I have worked on.”

“No, Detective, these are all the cases you have worked on for the last nine years. I have been instructed by IA to have every case you have ever worked on pulled from the files and forwarded to them. As of now, all of your cases are under investigation.”

All the color from Jim’s face seem to leave as he shook his head. “Sir, you can’t be serious!”

“Oh, I am dead serious, detective. If IA finds any evidence that these so-called Sentinel abilities affected any of your cases, there will be a formal hearing. Do you have any idea how much this is going to cost this department, or what it will be like if some of the scumbags you put away get to walk free?!”

Ellison attempted to get his breathing under control. Hyperventilating in the chief’s presence would not be a favorable thing to do. Jim could feel the sweat forming on his brow, the pain behind his eyes coming together to form the beginnings of a migraine, as he felt the intense staring of his chief. “I……I don’t know what to say.”

The man sat. “Think about what you have to do, Ellison. You may leave.”

Simon and Jim turned to leave. “Not you, Banks. I’m not through with you yet.”

Jim looked at his friend, trying to convey the way he felt in a look. Simon would now suffer the consequences of being Jim Ellison’s friend, something, Jim realized, it was not the best thing to be.
 

*******************************************************

Blair Sandburg slowly climbed the stairs to the loft. The last few days had left the grad student feeling empty and drained. The offer he had gotten was everything he dreamed of and more. The money, his degree, the fame, acceptance by his peers, but yet, something --- something was terribly wrong. He tried to convince himself that all the hoopla surrounding Jim would eventually die down and that things would go back to normal. But those things, he knew deep down, would never happen.

So his life would be spectacular. Book signing tours, meeting celebrities, probably appearing on talk shows, and Jim’s - Jim’s world as the man knew it, would be over.

Blair was happy when he didn’t see Jim’s truck parked outside the loft. He needed time alone. Time to think about the future. Time to figure out what this nagging feeling that was deep inside of him was all about. He slid the key in the lock and slowly made his way inside the loft. He turned to see his mom sitting by the television, remote in hand.

“Hi Mom.”

Naomi hit a button on the remote, crossed the room and threw her arms around her son. “Hi, baby. How are you feeling?’

“Like crap, Mom.”

“I just made some nice herbal tea, sweety. I’ll get you a cup.”

Blair hung up his coat as Naomi went to get the tea. He sat on the couch, looking at the assortment of video tapes that lay scattered on the floor. She handed him the cup as she took a seat next to him. .”What’s all this about, Mom?” he asked as he pointed toward the videos.

She smiled. “I think I have found the root of the problem, Blair. Please, just hear me out, will you?”

He settled the cup on the coffee table and turned to face his mother.

“I stumbled upon these videos this morning after you left. I thought it would be nice to see what you have been up to these past few years.”

Blair picked up a video. “Hey, this is from last Christmas. Stephen, Jim’s brother, had gotten a video camera and was like a kid with a new toy. He came by with his girlfriend and Simon came along with Rafe and his girl and a few others from Major Crimes stopped by. It was a great holiday.”

Naomi took the video from her son’s hand and popped it into the VCR. “I know it was, honey.”

They watched as the video started. Stephen’s camera glided around the room, catching everyone as they laughed by the Christmas tree. Simon sat perched in a chair, smoking a long stogie, making some remarks about Ellison’s cooking to the camera. The camera caught Rafe and his girl kissing out on the balcony than settled on Jim and Blair in the kitchen. The two looked at each other as they shared a secret joke. Blair smacked the older man’s arm after Jim made a remark about Blair’s cooking and calling the fire department.

Blair laughed as he watched, remembering the great time that was had by all. It was nice to see everyone laughing. The past few days had been so horrible, Blair had seemed had almost forgotten the good times he shared with his friends, especially Jim. Naomi watched her son as he stared at the screen.

“I wanted to get a feel for why you stayed here, Blair. I needed to know what kept you so grounded.” She forwarded the tape until she came to a certain spot. “When I saw this scene, honey, I found my answer.”

The video stopped as the camera caught Jim and Blair next to each other on the couch, arms touching. Jim was drinking a beer and talking wildly about a case that he and Rafe had just wrapped up. You could see that Jim clearly had one too many and was uncharacteristically animated as he described Rafe being chased by a cougar that got loose from the local zoo. Blair laughed hysterically as he gazed at his partner, slapping his hand on the older man’s thigh from time to time. The room was roaring with laughter as Jim spoke. While everyone laughed, Jim looked at his partner, and threw his arm around the younger man’s shoulder. Blair leaned in for a moment, than Jim took his arm back and continued. Naomi stopped the tape.

“Now I know why this is so hard for you, honey. Now I know why you are so torn. I couldn’t figure it out before, but after watching this video and the one of the two of you at the charity baseball game, now I know.”

Blair looked at his mother awkwardly. “I don’t understand, Mom.”

Naomi put her hand on her son’s leg. “Blair, I thought the offer and the money was everything you had ever wanted.  But now I see, you already have everything you’ve ever wanted.”

Blair stood and walked toward the balcony window. “Mom, what are you saying?”

“You are in love with Jim, Blair. You have everything you need right here. I watched the way you two looked at each other. The long glances, the way he touched you. The way you gaze at him as if the sun rises in his eyes. I saw it all, Blair. The fun times, the happy times, the quiet times. My, when Jim hit that home run In the charity game, you looked like the proud lover! That is why the money doesn’t entice you. If you lose Jim, what good is the deal, right?”

Blair stared out the window. He loved Jim, that was for sure, but in love with him? Was this the reason why the money and the book deal didn’t thrill him? Didn’t excite him the way he always thought it would? He thought of Jim. The strong, reliable Jim. He always thought that his feelings for the older man were more of a hero worship, but maybe -- just maybe -- they went a little deeper. He did find he looked at Jim far too often, God, the man was gorgeous, with those blue eyes and that body, and he touched him a little more than he should. He admired Jim for his loyalty and his strong convictions. He cared for Jim for his quiet, comforting sides. He loved Jim. Could it be? Could it be that everything he ever wanted in a person was here all along and he never saw it? Jim could easily be the person he could spend the rest of his life with. Yes, mom, was right. He loved James Ellison.

Blair turned to Naomi. “What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

“I’ve seen the tapes, Blair. I have seen Jim with you. You know the man better than anyone, what do you think?”

“What do I do, mom?”

She stood and hugged her son. “Go to him. Tell him.”

Blair quickly walked and retrieved his coat as he opened the front door. “Are you coming?”

“Should I?”

Blair smirked. “I think I may need all the help I can get.”
 

********************************************************

Jim took the stairs rather than the elevator back to his department. The chief’s words were swirling around in his head, adding to the already colorful phrases that were there, courtesy of his father and the media.

He made his way to his desk and took a seat, feeling his knees were too shaky to support the weight of his own body. He glared at the name plate that sat in the corner of the desk, almost zoning on the wording. James Ellison, Detective. “Hey, Jim, Simon still with the chief?” Joel asked as he rounded the corner.

Ellison just nodded as he grabbed his cup and headed for the coffee machine. Joel followed and grabbed Jim by the arm, leading him into the conference room, closing  the door with his foot. “Everything go okay with the chief?”

Jim frowned. “What do you think?”

The older man gave Ellison a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Everything will be fine, Jim. You just have to give it time.”

“No, Joel, you’re wrong. Everything will not be fine. IA is looking into my arrest record. If they even think anything was done suspiciously, we are dead in the water. And Simon, he’s getting reamed out as we speak for covering up for me. He’ll probably end up walking a beat in some hick town.”

Jim paced the room as Joel attempted to settle his friend down. “Listen, Jim, I know things look grim now, but……”

Jim stopped. “No, Joel, you don’t understand. What if one of those assholes I put away walks? What if the guy me and Rafe put away a couple of years ago for that triple murder gets out and goes after Rafe? What if the guy you and I arrested for those fires gets out and burns down a city block? And look at all the arrests me and Sandburg made. What if one of those creeps gets out and…and…....” Jim rubbed his face. “No, Joel, I can’t live with that. I can’t!!”

Joel stood dumbfounded. The thought that Jim was carrying around this type of emotional luggage never occurred to him. No cop would ever want another’s blood on his hands.

Jim looked out the window. “The chief is right, Joel. I am making this department into a laughing stock. People can’t do their jobs. Camera crews are following my every move. I am putting everyone around me in danger.”

“What are you going to do, Jim?”

“What I have to. This is my problem, Joel. I have to fix it the only way I know how.”
 

*******************************************************
 

Jim made his way to his desk. Pulling a piece of paper from a drawer, he inserted the sheet into the typewriter. He could feel his fingertips pounding on the keys, could see the words forming on the page, but couldn’t bring himself to actually read the contents.

He slid the sheet out, scanned for typos and signed at the bottom. It was done. His world, as James Joseph Ellison knew it, was over. He stood and removed his gun and badge, as he waved to Joel to meet him in the conference room. When the older man walked in, Jim handed him the paper, gun, and badge. Joel looked dumbfounded as he extended his hands to accept the items. “What’s this, Jim? Don’t even tell me…..”

“Simon is still with the chief and I didn’t want to leave my gun out in the open. Give it to him for me, Joel, along with the letter and my badge, and tell him….tell him I’m sorry.”

Jim turned to leave, but Joel blocked his way. “This is no way to settle this, Jim. You can’t run. Not from this.”

“I can and I will. If I learned anything from my old man, it was how to save a buck. I can move to some small town, live a quiet life.”

“What about your friends, Jim? What about us?”

Jim laughed. “My friends? Like I’ll have any left after this. You think any cop that worked with me is going to like being investigated by IA? You think Simon will even want to look at me after he is demoted to traffic cop? No one is safe around me, Joel. Everyone is a target when they’re near me. I can’t have that. I won’t have that!”

“What about Blair?”

“Blair?” Jim frowned. “He’s got money and fame now. He’ll make a whole new life. Whole new set of friends. Scholars like himself. He won’t need to hang around a stupid
cop.”

Joel grabbed Jim’s arm. “Is that what you think Blair thinks about you, that you’re some stupid cop? You are so wrong, buddy. You are his best friend, Jim. He would never abandon you!”

“Maybe not at the beginning, but he will. He’ll see what the money can buy and where it can take him. He’ll see what he has been missing in the past four years. I won’t deny him that. He deserves this. He worked hard for it.”

Ellison opened the door and grabbed his coat. “Thanks, Joel, for trying, I do appreciate it, but this is for the best. For everyone’s sake, I’m better off just disappearing from everyone’s life.”

Joel watched as his friend and colleague made his way out of the department. Jim turned once for a last long look around and disappeared out the door heading toward the stairs.
 

********************************************************
 

Blair and Naomi made their way through the crowd of reporters that were camped out in front of the police department. Entering the building, they made a mad dash for the elevator. “Man, do you believe those idiots?” Blair said as he straightened his jacket.

The elevator stopped on the next floor and the pair were greeted by the royally pissed face of Simon Banks. “Hey, Simon, man, are you okay?”

“Not now, Sandburg, we have a big problem. We’ve got to find Jim.”

Blair shifted on his feet. “What’s the problem? I mean I know what the prob…..”

Simon twirled around. “No rambling, Sandburg, okay? I just spent the longest half hour of my life getting my ass reamed out by the chief. First, he royally laced into Ellison, making him feel less than nothing and than he went to work on me. He gave it to Jim, bad. I gotta find him before he does something stupid.”

Naomi reached over to try and steady her son’s suddenly trembling hands. “My God, Simon, what did he say to Jim?”

The elevator stopped and the three headed toward Major Crimes. “He basically blamed Jim for turning this department into a freak show. He also informed us that IA is doing a full investigation into every case Jim worked on.”

Blair grabbed Simon. “You are kidding, right? I mean, this is some kind of joke? Jim is the best damn cop this city has ever had! They have no right, Simon.”

“Oh, they have the right, Sandburg, and they will.”

Joel headed toward the group looking very shaky. “Simon, we have a problem.”

Simon scanned the room. “No kidding, Joel. Where’s Jim?”

Joel swallowed hard and glanced at Blair and Naomi. “He’s gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean gone?” Blair asked nervously.

Joel fished out Jim’s badge and gun and handed them to Simon along with the letter. Banks scanned the letter quickly.

“Shit! Shit!! I knew this would happen. How long ago did he leave?”

“Just a few minutes ago, Sir. He took the stairs.”

Simon motioned to Rafe and Brown. “Listen up. I want you two to check the parking lot for Jim. Now!!” He turned to Joel. “Come on, you’re with me.”

Blair looked from left to right, trying to take in all that was happening. He and Naomi ran after Simon. “Simon, please, what is going on?”

The captain threw the letter at Blair, and the young man caught it against his chest. “Your partner resigned, that’s what’s going on.”
 

********************************************************
 

Jim slowly walked down the vacant staircase. He said a silent prayer thanking everyone for taking the elevators. He needed these few minutes to himself. Had to absorb the shock of what just happened. He leaned against the wall. It was over. Everything was over, gone, done with. He had no job, no friends, no privacy, but most of all, no guide. When did his life suddenly become so meaningless?

He wanted to be mad at Naomi for her foolishness. He wanted to be mad at Blair for putting everything on paper for the world to see. But in reality, all he could do was blame himself. He was the freak that his father had warned him about years earlier. The new sideshow. All he ever wanted in life was to be a good person, to help people, to put away bad guys. Those things gave his life meaning. His inability to continue to do those things left a hole in the pit of his stomach so big that nothing could fill it.

He thought of Blair at that moment. In a strange way, he was proud of his friend. His achievement was phenomenal. His only regret was that in the past few days, he never had a chance to tell him that. Tell him how he couldn’t have made it this far without him. Couldn’t have been able to control these senses alone. Jim loved Blair with all his soul. Why didn’t he ever tell him that either? He knew that Blair could never be happy just revolving his life around a cop. The kid was an explorer. An adventurer. This adventure was over, so now it was time for Sandburg to move on.

Ellison continued his slow walk down the staircase until he came to the lobby. He sighed when he saw all the reporters outside. His truck was across the street, so avoiding the barrage of press was impossible. He pulled his Jag cap from inside his pocket, secured it on his head, took a deep breath and flung open the glass door.
 

**********************************************************
 

Simon, Joel, Blair and Naomi caught the elevator door as it was closing. Simon said a prayer hoping he could find his friend in time. Jim would leave, take off, run, and could he blame him? The man’s life was unraveling faster than a cheap sweater. He felt abandoned by his department and his friends. Simon glanced sideways at Sandburg. The kid was shifting on his feet, sweat appearing on his forehead. It wasn’t the kid’s fault that this had happened. Simon truly believed that Blair did love Jim and would never hurt him. Five days ago, everything was the same as it had always been. Who could have guessed in that span of time, it all could go so wrong.

The doors opened and the group bolted through the lobby, scanning the area for any trace of James Ellison. The group made their way outside as Simon caught the sight of Ellison being trampled by the mob of reporters and camera crews. Jim did his best to fight them off, but they came at him from all angles. Ellison’s sight was blinded as flashbulbs went off at a furious pace, and it was at that moment, Simon Banks knew all hell was about to break loose.

Ellison heard his captain yelling. He heard Blair calling too but couldn’t get a handle on where his friends were. He whirled around trying to shield his eyes from the mass of media that encased him. It was a futile attempt. He heard a click, and turned from side to side to pinpoint the location, but came up empty. He heard people screaming, heard Blair yell to duck, but it was too late. The impact was hard and fast. He stumbled backward as the first bullet hit him in the chest. Before he hit the ground, he heard the second shot ring out, and felt the burning pain in his stomach. The world spun around him as he hit the ground hard.

Blair was stunned. He felt as if he was watching a movie in slo-mo. He saw the man inching through the crowd. Saw the man pull the gun. Saw the man fire point blank at Jim. Saw Jim fall as blood seeped across the front of the shirt.  What happened in the next few moments was a blur. Simon and Joel took off after the shooter, the camera crews were closing in trying to get a better picture of the dying Sentinel, and he and Naomi ran to Jim’s side. Blair gently picked Jim’s motionless form and pressed it into his own. Naomi scooted behind Jim trying to shield the man from the media. Simon was  screaming at the cops that came rushing out of the building to hold off the crowd and get an ambulance. None of that mattered to Blair Sandburg. The only thing that mattered now was that Jim had to live.

Blair cradled Jim in his arms, rocking back and forth slightly. “Jim, man, listen, you’re going to be okay. You just have to hang in there, okay buddy?” Blair’s trembling voice repeated the sentence over and over again as he stared into his friend’s glazed over blue eyes. Jim reached out his shaky left hand and clutched onto the younger man’s shirt.

“Chief,” he whispered slowly.

“I’m right here, Jim. We have an ambulance coming, you just have to hang in there.”

“Chief,” he whispered again.

The tears that ran from Sandburg’s eyes fell onto the older man’s chest. Jim moved his shaky hand slowly up to wipe Blair’s eyes.

“S’okay….Chief….it’s….okay.”

Blair took the hand and held it over his heart. Jim looked at his friend.

“Chief…I….I want you….to…listen to…me. I….I…want you…to take the…money…to….take….the deal.”

Blair cried as he shot a glance to Naomi, who shifted behind Jim as she took hold of his other hand.

“You…..earned it, Blair….you…you…..deserve it……” Jim attempted a smile. “Especially….for…putting up with….with…..me…for…..four…years.”

The smile was short lived as a wave of pain shot through the man’s body. Blair grabbed him and pulled him tightly to his chest. “Dammit, Jim. Don’t you dare talk like that, do you understand? You can’t leave me, you can’t! I love you, Jim! You can’t leave me! We’ll get you to the hospital. Promise me you’ll hold on, please Jim!!”

Ellison opened his eyes for a brief moment. “It’s…okay….Chief….this is the….best…thing for…for…...everyone…..It’s…okay.”

Jim took a hard swallow, and attempted to pull Blair’s head down to his. He leaned into the younger man’s ear. “You’re…my best….best…… friend…..Chief……I…I…..love….you”  Jim slurred as he drifted into unconscious.

Simon placed his hand on Naomi’s back, trying to soothe the woman who cried uncontrollably. Blair continued to rock Jim in his arms as he sobbed. He leaned into Jim’s ear. “Don’t leave me, Jim, please, don’t leave me.”
 

*******************************************************
 

Blair, Simon and Naomi rushed in beside the stretcher that carried Jim Ellison into the ER. Jim’s friends watched through the glass as Jim’s body was lifted and moved onto  the hospital bed. The staff worked in unison and furiously to save the man who lay there. A nurse cut off the last of Jim’s tattered shirt and pants, as another took his vitals, and yet another hooked him up to the heart monitor. The doctor on call made a fast sweeping glance at the damage the bullets did. He motioned and several people turned Jim on his side so he could see if there were any exit wounds. He frowned when he saw none. “Both are still in there.”

The doctor listened as the nurse rattled off Jim’s vitals and the paramedic informed the doctor that Ellison had flat-lined in the ambulance. As they were ready for transport to the operating room, the heart monitor sounded. “Damn,” the doctor yelled. “He flat-lined again! Get the paddles!”

Blair wiped his eyes and Naomi hugged her son as they watched the staff work frantically to start Jim’s heart again. “Clear!”

Nothing.

“Clear!” he yelled again as he repeated the process.

Nothing.

Simon mumbled. “Come on, buddy, come on.”

They increased the charge and tried again. “Clear!”

A heart beat.

The doctor threw the paddles to the side. “We’ve got to get him into surgery now!”

His friends watched as Jim was wheeled into the operating room until he was out of sight.
 

********************************************************
 

Time seemed to stand still as the group awaited word on Jim’s condition. Simon paced the waiting room, throwing an occasional glance toward Blair. The young man had his eyes closed and his head resting against the wall while Naomi gently rubbed her fingers across the back of his hand, repeating to him that this was not his fault, and that all things happen for a reason, but he could see Blair was not listening. The kid was clearly in shock. Hell, everyone was. “Captain Banks, how is he?”

Simon turned and for a second could have sworn he was looking into Jim’s blue eyes. It took a moment to realize that these eyes belonged to William Ellison, Jim’s father. The man looked confused and worried. Simon extended his hand to the man. “He’s still in surgery.”

William ran his hand over his face. “How bad? I wasn’t told very much, just that Jimmy  was shot and to come here.”

Banks shot a glance toward Sandburg. The younger man watched the exchange between the two men intently.

“Mr. Ellison, Jim, he…..” Simon searched for the right words. “He was shot twice. Once in the chest, once in the stomach. He was in pretty bad shape when we got him here.”

“Did you catch who did this to him?”

“Yes, we have him in custody.”

The elder man nodded his head. “That’s good. I would hate like hell to think the man who did this to my son would still be loose. I mean, when you shoot a cop in front of a police station, you can’t think you can get away with it, right, Captain?”

Banks nodded and gave a reassuring smile.

“Did he say why he shot my son?”

Simon sighed. “My men are interrogating him now. We should know something soon.”

William slowly made his way to Blair. He extended his hand to the young man. “Mr. Ellison, this is my mom, Naomi.”

The older man took her hand. “Sorry to meet under these circumstances, Ms. Sandburg. Our kids have been working together for four years. You would have thought that we would have met before this.”

Naomi smiled when she thought of someone calling Jim Ellison, detective, ex-army ranger, kid. “Well, I kind of travel around a bit.”

William returned a half smile and made his way to a chair across the way from the pair, sitting down for what would be a long vigil . Blair watched as the older man pulled out his cell phone and tried to reach his younger son, Stephen.

How long has it been? Jesus, James, you’re scaring the hell out of me here, Blair thought to himself. He watched as Joel, Rafe and Brown exited the elevators. Simon walked to meet his men half way, stopping a few feet in front of Blair and his mom. “How is he?” the concerned voice of Rafe asked.

Simon just looked at the men. From the grim appearance in the room and from seeing Jim’s condition first hand when he was lying on the sidewalk bleeding, they knew their friend was fighting for his life. Simon turned to Joel

 “What was the name of the scumbag who did this?”

“John Franklin. Thirty. Homeless. Arrested a few times for disturbing the peace. He also has a history of mental problems.”

William Ellison stood. “How the hell does a homeless man get hold of a gun?”

Brown let out a frustrated laugh. “They have more weapons than we do, Mr. Ellison. Some days it’s like we are fighting in a war zone.”

“My son already fought for his country” the older man stated proudly.

“Did he say why he did this?” Banks asked.

Joel looked toward Blair. The grad student was staring down at his hands.

“Joel, I asked you a question!”

“Yes, sir, he…ahh. He said…..” Another glance to Sandburg.

Joel Taggert frowned as he leaned in closer to Banks. “He said he wanted to see if a bullet could bounce off a Sentinel’s chest like it does with Superman.”

Blair Sandburg bolted from his chair and ran into the men’s room, as Naomi and Banks took off after him. Hearing retching sounds from behind the closed door, Naomi entered, not caring that this was the men’s room. Simon followed close behind. She put her hand gently on Blair’s back. “Sweetie, it’s okay. Everything will be all right.”

The young man shook his head as he pulled a few napkins from the dispenser. He wiped his face with shaky hands. “No, Mom, it is not all right! Damn, why do you keep saying that! Jim is….could be…dead because of me! Didn’t you hear what Joel said? That lunatic shot Jim because he is a Sentinel. And how did the world find out? From me, that’s how. So please stop saying that this in not my fault. It is my fault! This whole mess is *so* my fault!”

The life seem to run out of the young man, and Simon caught him as he fell forward. He gently leaned Blair against the wall. The anger, frustration, fear, rage and self-loathing that had been building since this whole ugly incident happened seemed to seep from every pore on Blair Sandburg’s body and the younger man began to sob uncontrollably. Naomi pulled her son to her chest and gingerly rocked him back and forth, something she hadn’t done since he was a child. She motioned to Simon. Banks gently lay his hand on Sandburg’s back. “I’ll be outside if you need me.”

The pair sat there on the bathroom floor waiting for the wave of emotion to pass. Naomi cried along with her son now. She cried because she hated to see Blair in so much pain. She cried because she hated seeing Jim so battered and so close to death, but most of all, she cried because she knew deep down in her heart, she was the cause of so much pain. She had been the one to send her son’s dissertation. She was the one who didn’t listen to Blair when he said not to interfere. How could she have been so foolish? She had watched as Jim fought for every breath. She had watched as Blair held the hand of the man he loved tightly against his chest, willing him to live. She had watched the single tear fall from Jim’s eye as Blair told him he loved him. She had watched it all, knowing she caused this pain.

Blair heard his mother’s painful sobbing, as he lifted his head from her lap and embraced her. It took a moment for him to realize that she, too, had been blaming herself for what had happened. He also knew she didn’t mean to hurt anyone, she just wanted to help. Jim had every right to be royally pissed at her, but he wasn’t. Funny, throughout this whole ordeal, Jim never once accused or pointed a finger at Naomi, something he felt was admirable, but then again, this was Jim we were talking about. Blair brushed the back of his hand across his mother’s face, wiping off the lingering tears. “I’m sorry I blew up at you, Mom, I guess it all hit me at once.”

“No, honey, you were right. I shouldn’t have kept telling you that everything would be okay. It’s not okay. As a matter of fact, it…well….sucks.”

Blair allowed a slight smile to creep across his face as he pondered his mother’s choice of words. He stood and helped her get to her feet before splashing cool water on his face. Naomi looked at them in the mirror. “Don’t we make a pitiful sight?”

The young man looked at their reflection in the mirror. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose him, Mom,” he whispered. She wrapped her arms around his waist. “You have to think positive, Blair. We have to be strong for Jim now. He needs to feel us, feel our positive energy flowing through us toward him.” She laughed. “Jim would hate this, wouldn’t he?”

“Yeah, he would.”
 

********************************************************
 

The pair made their way back to the waiting area watching the blank expressions of their friends. Some were sitting quietly while some chose to pace like expectant fathers. Blair slumped into a chair and William Ellison slowly stood and took the chair next to him. “Are you okay, Blair?”

“Yes, I’m okay now. Thank you, Mr. Ellison.”

Blair watched as the older man rubbed his hands back and forth, trying to find something, anything to say. “I know you never approved of the way I raised Jimmy.”

Blair attempted to intervene. “No, please, Blair, let me finish. When I realized that Jimmy was….. special, I panicked. I knew that this was a gift, but I was afraid that people….that people wouldn’t understand and….”

The old man took off his glasses and wiped his eyes. “I love my son, Blair. I just wanted to protect him.”

Blair felt his heart breaking. He knew that Jim’s hard edge came from his father. William had taught Jim to be strong, to be a ‘real’ man. Seeing William like this was a breakthrough.

“He loves you, too” Blair whispered.

“When this whole thing first came out about Jimmy, I won’t lie and tell you that I wasn’t devastated and furious, but after a day or two I realized it was inevitable. I mean, Jimmy picked a high profile profession. I knew it was only a matter of time before the world knew about my son. As much as I am proud of him, that is how much I was afraid for him, too. But this….this is something you can never……” Blair put his hand on the man’s shoulder, trying to give him a small amount of comfort in this horrible situation.

William placed his glasses back on. “I better try to get Stephen again.”

Joel and Simon watched William Ellison’s departure from the young man’s side. Joel sat in the vacant seat and placed his hand on Blair’s knee. “You okay, Blair?”

Blair smiled inwardly. Suddenly everyone is concerned for my well being. “I’m holding my own, Joel.”

He looked deep into the man’s eyes. “Why did he do it, Joel? Why did Jim resign? Why didn’t he wait for us? You know, me and Simon. We could have worked something out, we could have…..”

Joel looked up at Banks, and then at Blair. “He….Jim was at the lowest I have ever seen him. He said it would be better for everyone if he just disappeared. He was afraid…..afraid that he had lost you both.”

Simon shot Joel a frown. “Lost us? How would he have lost us?”

“He said that you wouldn’t even want to look at him anymore because he knew the chief was chewing you out for covering for him and you would probably get demoted. And ” he turned to Blair “he said that you had everything you needed now. Money, fame, your degree. He said that you didn’t need to hang around with him anymore. That you…that you would make friends on your level and you wouldn’t need to hang around with a stupid cop. And that is a direct quote.”

Blair was floored. A stupid cop? Wouldn’t need to hang around with him? Did Jim Ellison even have a clue that he was Blair’s whole life? Of course he didn’t. How could he. He had only come to that conclusion right before Jim was…Jim was…..

Footsteps approaching caught the attention of the group, and William and Blair both bolted from their chairs. “How is my son, Doctor?”

The doctor’s grim face sent a chill through Blair’s body. The doctor met William. “We should sit down, Mr. Ellison.”

William sat and the group huddled closely around the doctor. “Your son is alive, but he suffered massive internal injuries. I’m…..I’m not sure if we saved his life or just prolonged it for a few hours.”

The words hit Blair like a ton of bricks. This can’t be happening! Can’t be! He had to see Jim. Had to hold him, tell him he would be all right.

The older man spoke in a trembling voice. “But he’s alive. I mean, he still has a chance, doesn’t he, Doctor?”

“Yes, yes he does. I just want to prepare you…”

The older man waved off the doctor. “Prepare me? Do you honestly think that you can prepare me for the loss of my son?”

Simon put his hand on William’s shoulder trying to settle the older man. William lowered his head. “I’m sorry, Doctor, I know this is not easy for you. I just need…..I need to know what we are looking at here.”

“I understand, Mr. Ellison. This is not an easy thing for any of you. Jim’s condition is extremely critical. He lost a considerable amount of blood, and one of the bullets passed through his left lung, causing it to collapse. Thankfully, the bullets missed most of his vital organs. We will know more as time goes on. If your son makes it through the next forty-eight hours, he will have a good chance of recovery.”

Blair’s head popped up. “So, you’re saying he does have a chance to recover?”

The doctor frowned. “Let me try and explain. He flat lined on the way to the hospital, he flat lined again in the ER, and he flat lined twice during surgery. The body can only take so much. He is extremely weak. If an infection were to set in, or he were to run a fever, or were he to flat line again……I don’t think…he would be able to fight it off.”

The doctor looked at the grim faces surrounding him. “Jim needs all of you to be strong for him now. He needs to feel his friends and family pulling for him. Talk to him. Tell him how much you want him to survive. The power of speech goes a long way with recovery.”

“Can we see him?”

“Yes, Mr. Ellison, but only one or two at a time and only for a few minutes. I’ll have a nurse come and get you when he is settled in intensive care.”

The doctor turned to leave and William grabbed his arm. “Doctor, I am a very wealthy man. Money is no object. I want you to take any measures, no matter the cost, fly in any specialist you think would help. I just want my son to live.”

The doctor gave the man a reassuring smile and left.
 

*******************************************************
 

Blair and Naomi followed closely behind William Ellison as they made their way to Jim’s bedside. Numbness had replaced any other feelings that Blair had had, and he was surprised that his legs were cooperating in moving forward. This was like a nightmare that he couldn’t seem to wake from. The nurse led them through corridor after corridor until they reached a nurses station across from a room with large glass windows. Blair could see the figure in the bed, could see the more than a dozen machines surrounding the bed, but could not bring himself to believe that the person lying there hooked up to all those machines was Jim.

William slowly walked toward the bed as Naomi and Blair waited at the doorway. The older man looked at his son for a moment, his attention briefly diverting to look at the machines that were keeping his son alive. Jim was attached to so many different monitors that William didn’t know if it was safe to even touch his son. He gingerly reached out and encased his hand around Jim’s. Leaning in, he spoke directly into his son’s ear.

“Jimmy? Jimmy, I know you can hear me. It’s your dad. I know, you know it’s me. Who else calls you Jimmy, right?” The older man sighed. “I want you to know that I’m here, son. We’re all here. Blair and Captain Banks and….” William looked at the breathing tube that was taped to his son’s mouth, the IV’s that pierced his arms. “I’m so sorry this happened. You always wanted to know why I wanted you to suppress your senses,
why I wanted you to keep this a secret. Well, this is the reason, Jimmy. This….this was always my biggest fear. I always felt that people wouldn’t understand and that someone would……” He let his voice trail off as he felt tears welling up inside him. “But you don’t worry about that now. I’ll take care of everything. You just get better. That’s all you have to do, Jimmy.”

Blair listened to William Ellison as he spoke. His heart sank as he heard the man speak about people not understanding Jim’s abilities and how he had always feared this would happen. How could the man have known this and he did not? Why had it never occurred to him that someone might not understand the complexities of Jim’s senses and would do something as horrible as this? Why had it never occurred to him that the higher ups in the police force would take action against Jim if his secret ever came out? How had it never occurred to him that the scumbags that Jim put away would try to use this knowledge as a get out of jail free card? Was he so preoccupied in his own triumphs, his own accomplishments, not to realize how this would affect his friend’s life? Was he that shallow?

Blair watched William leave and Naomi take the man’s place at Jim’s side. Naomi was unafraid of touching Jim. She ran her fingers up and down his arms, up and down the bandages that covered his chest. She spoke to him about when she first heard that her son was riding with a cop. She laughed as she recalled their first meeting in the loft. She thanked him for taking care of Blair and keeping him out of trouble. How could she be so relaxed as she spoke, knowing that Jim was fighting for his life? Fighting for every breath he took? She kissed Jim’s forehead and turned. Seeing the expression on her face, Blair knew that all of that was an act. An act to give Jim a sense of family. A sense of friendship. A sense that he was not alone.

Finally, Blair was alone with Jim. James Joseph Ellison. Detective James Ellison. Captain James Ellison. Army Ranger, Cop of the Year. Roommate, partner.
Friend. Best friend. Did he ever tell Jim that he was his best friend? Did he ever thank Jim for allowing him to become a part of his world? Thank him for the Christmases, Thanksgivings, Fourth of July celebrations? The New Year’s Eve bashes? The birthday dinners? Why do you always think of these things when something like this happens? Why do people wait until it’s too late to say the things that should come automatically?

Blair laughed. Yeah, I could see it now. Jim, thanks for everything, big guy, oh and by the way, I love you. No, I mean, I am in love with you. You know, like I want to spend the rest of my life, in love with you. Like, I want to take the rest of our days to explore every inch of your body, in love with you.

Blair found himself at Jim’s side, not quite knowing how he got there. He looked at his friend lying in the bed. He looked at the chest and stomach covered in large white bandages. The IV’s that pricked the outstretched arms that lay ever so still at his sides.
The breathing tube that was taped securely across his mouth. Blair winced as he thought of how uncomfortable that tube down his throat must be. The heart monitor’s steady beeping sounded louder than it really was compared to the eerie quiet of the room.

Blair pulled a chair to the bed, not quite sure if his legs would continue to support his weight. He suddenly felt so tired. So drained. So lost. Yes, he was lost. Lost in a cruel, heartless nightmare. He slid his hand around Jim’s still one and gave a gentle squeeze. “I’m here, Jim. Just you and me. Like always.”

He looked for any movement, any change from the man that lay there. “Simon got the guy who did this. Man, I thought he was going to kill him right in front of the station. Good thing Joel was there, not that he didn’t want to strangle the guy too.”

He paused.

“Funny how things work out. Usually you’re the one sitting here, and I’m the one lying in the bed. “

Pause

“You always take care of me, Jim. Making sure I’m eating. Making sure I’m getting enough rest. Always…….”

Blair wiped his eyes. “It’s my turn now. To take care of you. Joel told me what you said about my leaving. How could you think that? I would never, never leave. I never thought that you and I were not on the same level. How could you think of yourself as a stupid cop, anyway? I never felt that. I hope I never made you feel that way, because it is so not true. You are one of the finest people I know, one of the bravest. Hell, probably the bravest. You had to overcome so many obstacles to get to where you are.”

Blair stood and leaned in toward his friend, his fingers brushing against Jim’s cheek, forehead. “I…..I can’t begin to tell you how much….how much you mean to me……I….I can’t make it without you, Jim.” Blair’s voice broke from the emotion he felt. “I’m sorry this happened……I…never…..I…..never wanted this…..It never dawned on me that…..that this could happen. I was so wrapped up in……in my thesis that I never thought of the ramifications of what could happen….and that…..that almost cost you your life. I thought that my Ph.D., the money, the deal were everything I ever wanted, but they’re not. Not by a long shot. You are everything I ever wanted, Jim. I know that now. Took me long enough, ah?” Blair smiled at his friend as he slowly stroked the short hair. “ It’s so clear now, Jim. What I have to do to make this right. I’m almost glad that you are unconscious, because I know that you would try and stop me, but I need to do this. I won’t let anyone else ever hurt you again, Jim, I swear. Nothing, no degree, no fame, no amount of money is worth losing you. “ Blair kissed Jim’s cheek. “I love you, Jim. Please come back to me. I need you. I’ll always need you.”
 

********************************************************
 

Blair fiddled with the piece of paper he held in his hand. He wanted this over with as fast as possible so he could get back to Jim’s bedside. Please, Jim, hang in there, buddy.

Naomi opened the door and waved to her son. “They’re ready for you, Sweetie.”

The young man took a deep breath as he made his way into the other room. A crowd of reporters, camera crews and University personnel were shifting around the room, awaiting word on why Blair Sandburg had called a news conference.

Blair made his way to the podium with Naomi at his side. His trembling hands placed the sheet of paper on the stand. He cleared his throat. “Can I have everyone’s attention please?”

The room became eerily silent and Blair proceeded. “The past few days have been the most trying of my life. I have never gone from such a high point to such a low point. It is every writer’s dream to have his work acknowledged, to be accepted by his peers. In trying to gain that acceptance I did something immoral and unethical. My thesis, “The Sentinel,” is a fraud.”

Blair had to stop as the quiet of the room was overshadowed by the comments from the crowd. “The notion that James Ellison possesses Sentinel abilities is a lie, and that lie almost cost my friend his life. Yesterday, he was shot by a man who believed that James Ellison was a Sentinel. To say that I am devastated by this, would be an understatement. All I can do is ask for forgiveness from the people I love and ask everyone to pray for James Ellison’s recovery. Thank You.”

Blair made a hasty departure from the podium with Naomi close at his side. The University chairwoman grabbed him by the arm. “You have caused this University enough embarrassment. I want your office cleaned out by tomorrow.”

Blair did not even acknowledge her as he made his way to the door.
 

*************************************************************
 

Blair walked through the ICU doorway, with the reality of what had transpired finally sinking in. His career was over - reputation ruined. It was kind of ironic how an entire career could be over after a five minute press conference. Thoughts of what his future held, where he would work, what he would do, took a back seat as soon as he entered Jim’s room. Jim had made it through the night. That was all that mattered at this point.

Blair extended his hand to Stephen Ellison who was sitting quietly in a chair next to his brother’s bed. “Any change?” Blair asked as he circled the bed and took Jim’s left hand into his.

Stephen shook his head. “His vitals are a bit stronger. Other than that……” Stephen stood and extended his arms over his head. Blair watched as he crooked his neck, trying to get the circulation going again. Just like Jim does. Jim and Stephen were so different, yet there were things Stephen did, said, that reminded him so much of Jim.

“Why don’t you go home, Stephen, You’ve been here since midnight, plus I think your dad needs to get some rest too. He’s sleeping in the lounge. He hasn’t left since….since this happened.”

Stephen looked at his brother and than at Blair. “What about you? You haven’t left either, just to give the press….”

Stephen let the sentence trail off when he saw the anguish on the young man’s face. “Blair, what you did, you know, the press conference, I know wasn’t easy. I mean, you threw your whole career away. That….that took guts.”

Blair attempted a smile. “It…..it was the least I could do, Stephen. Besides, it doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters except that Jim get well. I’ll figure something out.”

“He loves you” Stephen whispered so low that Blair almost missed hearing it.

“I love him too, Stephen. I love him so much.”

“I hope you two talk things out when he comes to. The doctor is still saying that he is weak and could take a turn for the worse, but he doesn’t know my brother, does he, Blair?”

‘No….No he doesn’t. Jim is a fighter.”

Stephen took his coat from behind the chair. “I’m going to take my dad home. Try and get him to eat something. Jim is in good hands now that you’re here. We’ll be back in a few hours. If anything changes……”

“I’ll call.”

“Thanks, Blair “

Stephen walked to the bed and put his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “I’m going to take dad home now, Jim. Believe it or not, the old man’s been here since yesterday. Blair is here now. He’ll take care of you.”

Stephen smiled at the young man and left.

Blair walked around to the other side, pulled the chair up to Jim’s bedside and took the older man’s hand. “I took care of everything, Jim. Smooth sailing from here, big guy. You don’t have to worry about anything anymore. Your secret is safe again.”

Blair closed his eyes and leaned his forehead until it rested on Jim’s arm. What the hell was he going to do? Teaching was the only thing he knew, wanted. His career was really over, wasn’t it? The sacrifice had to be made. He had to do this for Jim. Had to protect the man he loved, but damn, it hurt! Hurt like hell. Tears rolled from the corner of his eyes and landed on Jim’s arm. The money didn’t matter, nor did the fame, prestige or book deal. It was the teaching end, the degree he worked so hard for. Losing those things hurt the most. Blair looked at Jim. No, losing Jim, that would have hurt the most.

“I wish you were awake, Jim. I really need to talk to you now. Need your encouragement. You would know what to say, wouldn’t you? Some old football ‘get up and go’ speech. Or maybe an old Army Ranger chant. One that was said before going off to battle. I’m pretty low right now, big guy. About the only thing that would perk me up would be to see those baby blues staring at me. What’a say, big guy? How about waking up and letting me see those sparklers?”

Blair put his head back down on Jim’s arm and cried himself to sleep.
 

*********************************************************
 

Simon and William Ellison walked into Jim’s private room just in time to hear Naomi pleading with her son. “Blair, baby, please. It’s been four days. You have to eat something, get a decent night’s sleep. Your back must be killing you from sleeping in this chair.”

Blair shrugged at his mother’s request. “I’m fine, Mom. I’ve been eating at the cafeteria and this chair, it isn’t so bad.”

Naomi shot Simon a pleading look. “Your Mom is right, Blair. Jim could stay like this for a long time. There is no telling when he’ll wake up. You can’t stay here forever. “

Blair shrugged. “Why not, Simon? It’s not like I have any place to go to anymore.”

Blair tried to shake the image of cleaning out his office at the university. Rafe and Brown had helped him and within two hours, Blair’s official academic career was over. He tried to put on a brave front for his friends, but inside he was dying. To make matters worse, Jim was still unconscious. They had been able to remove the breathing tube, and he was moved to a private room, via a request from William Ellison. William put a hand on Blair’s shoulder. “You should go home and get some rest. The best bet would be if we made a schedule up and take turns being here. I mean, we have no idea how long Jimmy is going to be out.”

“Fine with me” Blair stated as he stood. ”You can make a schedule for everyone else,
but, I’ll be here everyday.”

Naomi threw her arms up in the air and walked over to the foot of Jim’s bed. Simon and William continued to try to persuade Blair to reconsider. “Sandburg, listen. You are not going to be of any help to Jim if you run yourself ragged.”

“You are so full of shit, Simon. You’ve been here as much as I have and how the hell am I running myself ragged? I’m just sitting here.”

As the three men squabbled back and forth, a sight caught Naomi’s eye. Jim moved the fingers on his right hand. She peered closer and saw the fingers on his left hand moving as well. “Look, the two of you fighting will not help the situation” William stated as he flopped in the chair.

“Fighting?” Simon smirked. “We are not fighting. This is typical when you are dealing with Blair Sandburg!”

“Oh, that’s rich, man, real rich! Like you’re so easy to get along with. A real people person, that Simon Banks!”

Poor Stephen entered when the voices increased by a few decimals. “I have donuts.” The group just looked at him and he sheepishly put the bag down on the table.

Naomi continued staring at Jim as she inched closer to the head of the bed. She grabbed his left hand and started stroking her fingers over the back of it.

“Look, Simon, Mr. Ellison,” Blair stated “I appreciate the concern, but I’m staying and that’s it!”

Naomi’s excited voice caught everyone by surprise. “Welcome back, handsome!!”

The group turned to see Jim squinting a few times, attempting to bring the room into focus. Blair and William bolted for the bed. “God, Jimmy! Thank God you’re awake!!”

Blair grabbed Jim’s other hand. “I knew you’d make it! I just knew it!!!”

Stephen and Simon stood at the foot of the bed beaming from ear to ear. Stephen patted his brother’s leg. “I’ll go get the doctor.”
 

******************************************************
 

It had seemed like forever as the group waiting in the hallway while the doctor examined Jim. Blair fidgeted as a tremor of excitement ran through his body. Jim was awake. He was going to make it. A nurse appeared from inside the room. “You can go in now.”

The doctor was checking Jim’s reflexes as the group entered. The doctor smiled. “You’re a very lucky man, Jim. Your family and friends have been here around the clock.”

Jim smiled at the group. “That’s…me….Mr.…Lucky.”

The doctor turned to the group. “Everything seems to be fine. No trace of fever or infection, but I don’t want him overdoing it. He still needs his rest.”

William stood. “Thank you doctor. I’ll walk you out.”

William and the doctor left. Simon smiled at Jim. “I better call the guys at the station. They wanted to know the minute you came to.”

“Wait up Simon, I think I need some coffee” Stephen said as he grabbed his coat.

“I think I’ll join you, Stephen” Naomi said as she winked at Blair and grabbed her purse.

Suddenly the room became quiet as only Blair and Jim were left. The older man looked at his friend. “Som….something I said?”

Blair laughed as he leaned onto the bed taking Jim’s hand in his. Jim looked deep into the younger man’s eyes. “I…..I thought I lost you, Chief.”

Blair looked bewildered. “Lost me? Boy, you’ve got it all backwards. I wasn’t the one lying in a hospital bed nearly four days.”

“Four days?”

The younger man sighed. “Yes, four long days. You scared the hell out of me, Jim. There were so many things I wanted to say, needed to say and I thought I would never get the chance and you were……”

“Chief…..rambling.”

Blair laughed for the first time in days. Jim was back. “Sorry.”

“No. It’s okay. I like to hear you ramble. I…..I remember what happened. I was leaving….leaving the station. The guy…he came out of nowhere. I…..I didn’t hear him, Chief.”

“How could you? You were surrounded by like a hundred people. Cameras and reporters were in your face.”

Jim frowned. “I….I should have sensed him. I’m sorry, Chief.”

“Sorry? Sorry for what, man? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Jim pulled Blair’s hand onto his chest. “I….I was running. I…..was scared.”

Tears began to form in Blair’s eyes. “You had every right to be scared, Jim. Things happened too fast, things were falling apart. It was like we had no control over anything that was happening. It was my fault. This whole mess was my fault and…..”

Jim slowly raised his shaky hand to wipe the tear that fell from the young man’s eye. “Don’t. I…..I said some things that I shouldn’t have. I know….I know you didn’t do this on purpose. It was an accident. I was just afraid…..afraid…..”

“What, Jim? What were you afraid of?”

Jim took a breath. “I was afraid you were going to leave.”

Blair had known love before, but never like this. The feeling he had in the pit of his stomach was an ache that was so unfamiliar. He truly loved this man with all his heart and soul. He looked deep into Jim’s crystal blue eyes as he ran his hand over Jim’s cheek. He took a quick breath and leaned in and kissed Jim tenderly on the lips. “I would never leave you, Jim. I love you”. The sentence was barely whispered.

A shiver ran through Blair’s body as Jim just stared at him. Nice going, Sandburg, The man is awake all of twenty minutes and you say something like that. You wait four days for the man to wake and now you might put him back in a coma, or worse, ruined the friendship. I am such an…..

“I love you too, Blair.”

Jim extended his hand and Blair kissed it tenderly before planting another soft kiss on Jim’s lips, only this time, Jim kissed him back. Blair smiled. “Why did it have to come to this for us to tell each other our true feelings? Think of all the time we wasted.  Time we could have used on other things.”

“What other things?”

Blair blushed. “There is plenty of time to discuss that, Jim. The doctor wants you to take it easy, remember?”

Blair ran his hand along Jim’s arm. “Why would you think I would leave?”

“Dissertation is done. You have your degree now and the book deal. I don’t want to stand in your way.”

The dissertation - the degree. Blair frowned. He had almost forgotten that part with the excitement of Jim regaining conciousness.

“Everything okay, Blair?”

“It is now, Jim. It is now.”

“No, Chief, I can see it in your eyes. Something is not right.”

Blair fixed the sheet on Jim’s bed, noticing his friends eyelids becoming heavy. “Everything is okay, big guy. You just get some rest. You heard the doctor, no overdoing it.”

Jim yawned. “Okay, but we’ll talk later. Will you stay?”

Before Blair could answer, Jim was all ready fast asleep. Blair ran his hand along Jim’s cheek. “No place I’d rather be.”
 

*******************************************************
 

Blair walked through the hallways of Cascade General, stopping long enough to wave or say hello to the staff. Over the years, he and Jim had become somewhat regulars. He slowed his pace as he neared Jim’s room. He had managed to duck Jim’s questions for three days, and had everyone swear that they would not tell Jim anything about the press conference or his current employment status, but Jim was better - inquisitive. Blair could push if off no longer. Jim had to be told. William Ellison emerged from his son’s room. “Hey, Blair.”

“Hey, Mr. Ellison.”

William extended his hand. “Did I mention how much I hate it when someone calls me Mr. Ellison?”

“Okay, William. How is he?”

“Getting obnoxious. Bored. Grumpy. He’s himself, I would say.”

Blair laughed. “Oh, yeah, Ellison’s back.”

The two men stood there. Blair fumbled with the buttons on his jacket as William looked around the corridor. “Can I talk to you for a moment, Blair?”

The two headed for a bench in the waiting room. Blair waited as the older man searched for the right words.  Like father - like son he thought to himself. “Blair, I never got a chance to talk to you about the press conference. I…..I wanted to tell you how proud I was of you. That…..that took a lot of courage. I know the sacrifice you made for my son and I wanted to say…..I really admire you. I don’t know if I could have done that.”

William stopped. He had so much he wanted to say, so many things he needed to know. “When the boys were young, I admit I wasn’t the best of fathers. I pushed them. They grew to hate me. I wanted to spend this time trying to make it up to them and then this happened and it through me into a tailspin. I had….had a vision of what a ‘real’ man was supposed to be. How they should act. I just wanted you to know…..”

The man took a breath as he slipped his glasses off. Blair could tell this was excruciatingly hard for this man. “What you did for Jimmy went beyond friendship, I know that. You don’t make this type of sacrifice for just anyone and I wanted you to know that it’s okay. I mean, it’s okay with me. I came too close to losing my son this time to let a stupid notion stand in the way.”

Blair tried to figure out what the man was trying to say. He would readily admit that he was a bit confused. He wondered if there was a school that the Ellison men went to that taught this type of ‘beating around the bush’ conversation course. Now he knew for sure that Jim was definitely William’s son. “Mr.…..William, what are you trying to say?”

“What I am trying to say, and not doing too well is that I know that you and Jim are more than friends. I can see it in his eyes, see it in yours as well and that’s…that’s okay. What you did for Jimmy proved to me that what the two of you have is special and……”

“William, I need you to know that Jim and I were….are….still just friends. I mean, we just realized that our feelings had changed but technically we’re still…I mean….”

It was Blair’s turn to fumble for words now. Jesus, this beating around the bush is contagious.  “What I am trying to say is that Jim and I just discovered that our feelings are deeper than just friends. I…..I love your son, William.”

“I know. And he loves you. He told me, just now.”

Blair was speechless. Jim had told his straight as an arrow, rigid, controlling, ‘man’s-man’ father about this? I guess I am not the only one making huge sacrifices here.
He wanted to say so much, ask so many questions. What did Jim say? How did he say it? Was it a bold statement or did it come out as a “Hey dad, I just realized I am in love with my male roommate, ain’t that a kick” kind of comment but all that came out was

“He told you?”
 
“Yes, and I think you better get in there before he makes the staff here crazy.”

William stood. “All kidding aside, how are you holding up? I know your career was very important to you.”

“It’s hard, I won’t lie to you. I worked very hard for this and now, well, it’s over.”

William buttoned up his jacket. “Blair, I don’t want to come off too cocky here, or like I am some big shot, but throughout my years I have made connections, people in high places. I might not be able to get you a degree or anything, but what if I were to make a few phone calls and see if I could get you a teaching job in another school, would that be okay with you?”

Blair was floored. “I…..I don’t know what to say, William. I mean the offer is generous, but I don’t think any school will be willing to hire me after what I’ve done.”

“Blair, listen. When I said I have friends in high places, I meant really, really high places. I am owed a lot of favors. I would need to make just one phone call and that would be it, no questions asked.”

That familiar spark that was always present in the young man’s stomach suddenly came alive again. “I….I would be eternally grateful William. I could never repay you.”

William put his hand on the young man’s shoulder. “You saved my son’s life Blair. You already paid me back.”
 

********************************************************
 

Blair was riding cloud nine as he made his way to Jim’s room. A teaching job, okay, not his degree, but a start. A somewhat subdued Chief of police had come to see Jim the day before and told him that IA was calling off their investigation. That was good. Jim was going to be okay. Better. Jim loved him. Yep, that was the clincher. Jim loved him. He loved Jim. Yes, life was good.

Blair kept that train of thought going as he opened the door. Those happy feelings were quickly dissolved when he saw Jim lying in bed, remote in hand, staring at the television. Jim looked at his partner. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“When did they install the television?”

“About an hour ago. My dad was here, so I finally got to watch a little while ago. You should have told me.”

Blair walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. “I was going to, today. Damn, television. I wanted to wait until you were stronger.”

Jim pointed the remote toward the television and turned it off. “Why, Chief? You threw away your whole career?”

Blair stood. “Why? You ask why? Look around, man. The guy shot you because of this whole mess. I almost lost you, and you ask me why?”

Jim reached out his hand and Blair took it as he sat back down on the bed. “I….I don’t know what to say. I mean, what you did, your degree, your job, I mean…..what…..”

“Jim, you’re rambling.”

“Chief….Blair, you shouldn’t have done it. It meant everything to you. I heard about the university kicking you out. It was too much. You threw away too much.”

Blair leaned in and kissed Jim on the lips. “It was important to me, Jim, I won’t lie to you, but when you were lying in the street bleeding and I thought I was going to lose you, nothing at that point was as important to me as you living. When Joel said that the guy shot you because he thought…….I knew what I had to do. Who was I kidding, anyway? There was no way I could have published it even with changing your name. People would have figured it out, I mean, we are always together, plus I would have had to try and keep the research valid. It…it was an impossibility.”

Jim pulled his partner in for another kiss. “I would never have asked you to do this.”

“I know and for that I love you.”

“So Naomi knows?” Jim asked smirkingly.

“Yep.”

“And her reaction to you being in love with a cop?”

“She say’s she jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“Yes, she said it is not fair that only one person gets to keep your magnificent body.”

Blair laughed as Jim turned bright red. “Yeah, well, I think I can only handle one Sandburg in my life.”

Jim paused. “I told my dad about us.”

Blair smiled. “I know. I met him in the hallway and he told me. I couldn’t believe it! He seemed okay. How was he when you told him?”

Jim leaned back in the bed and laughed, grabbing his side. “He…..he claimed he knew but you had to see his face. I mean, he just sat there and I told him and he blinked and said ‘I see, very well, than. He’s a good man, Jim.’ He said you were a good man. I almost lost it right there.”

Blair playfully smacked Jim. “You shouldn’t laugh at him. He’s trying, really he is. He is going to make a few phone calls and see if he could get me a job teaching somewhere else.”

Jim grabbed the younger man and pulled him close. “Really? That’s great. I mean, I know it’s not your dream, but it’s a start, right?”

Blair ran his fingers along Jim’s chest. “Yeah, it’s a start. So is this.”

Jim leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He toyed with the idea of turning up his senses but quickly dissolved that idea when he realized the pain he might feel from his healing wounds. “I wanted this for so long, Chief. I wanted to tell you, but…….”

Blair continued his exploration of Jim’s chest. It was amazing no matter how many times he had seen Jim shirtless, he never got tired of the sight. Even with the bandages, it was still magnificent. Blair chuckled to himself when he realized how natural this seemed, him leaning next to Jim, running his fingers along the man’s chest. This was so right. “Chief, this….I mean, you’re not just doing this because I was shot. I mean, we should talk about this. What’s going on with us. Where we go from here.”

Blair stood and tucked a chair underneath the doorknob. He turned off the lights so the sunlight that streamed through the verticals cast a beautiful backdrop. He carefully sat back on the bed and being mindful of Jim’s injuries, he gingerly placed himself in front of Jim, hands resting on both sides of the man’s body, mere inches from both of Jim’s thighs. “When Sid first sent pieces of my dissertation to the press, my first reaction was panic. Than I tried to rationalize that everything would be okay once things calmed down. I was being offered book deals, movie deals, money - more money than I could have ever imagined, but nothing seemed to impress me. I was more unhappy than I have ever been. I realized that I was unhappy because of what this mess was doing to you - us. If my accomplishments meant losing you, it just wasn’t worth it. I was on my way to tell you that when…”

Jim looked at his partner. The sacrifice that Blair had made was overwhelming, he knew that. He understood why he did it, though. If things had been in reverse, there would have been no hesitation on Jim’s part to do the same exact thing. He tenderly ran his hand across Blair’s cheek. “This….this thing that we’re doing here. I mean, I can’t explain. I…….”

He fumbled for words as usual and Blair chuckled. “Chief, what I am trying to say is that when I thought that you had your degree and the money, it hit me that you would be leaving and that was when I realized that my feelings for you ran so much more deeper that friendship. I was confused. I had never had these types of feelings for another man before and…it scared me. I knew…..I knew I couldn’t stand in your way but I didn’t want to face losing you either. It was so….so confusing.”

Blair gently planted a kiss on Jim’s lips and the older man opened his mouth. Their tongues met for the first time and fireworks seem to go off in both their bodies. Jim reached and pulled Blair to him, not caring if he popped stitches in the process. He wanted this more than he had ever wanted anything in his life. “Jim, man your stitches, be careful.”

Jim entwined his hands through Blair’s hair. “Screw the stitches.”

“That’s very noble, Jim, but I’d rather have you in one piece because I want to screw more than just stitches. “

Jim pulled his mouth from Blair and fell back, laughing. “Chief, you always have the appropriate phrase for everything.”

Blair watched his partner laughing and joined. He wrapped his arms lightly around the bigger man. “This….I mean….This is my first time too, Jim. I mean having feelings for a man.”

“Then I guess we will learn together. Just one thing, Chief. I am in this for the long haul. I mean, I want you to know that this is not a passing fancy here. I want this -- want you-- forever. I have no idea about what’s going to happen with your observer status at the precinct, or if you could somehow get your degree, but I want you to know that whatever the future holds I want us to face it together. No more running, no more keeping things from each other, okay?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Jim. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, it’s just…..”

“Just what?”

Blair blushed and turned slightly from Jim. “I’m scared” he whispered.

The older man guided Blair’s face back to him. “And I’m not? This….this is a big step for me, Chief. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing here. It’s like flying without a parachute. I mean one day I’m dating Susan in records and the next I’m thinking about my male roommate naked.”

“Naked?”

“Yes, Chief, naked. “

Blair licked Jim’s chest as the older man leaned his head back against the pillow, eyes
closed tightly. The younger man continued his exploration until he licked his way back up to Jim’s mouth, planting a gentle kiss. Jim opened his eyes slowly. “I love you, Chief.” Blair smiled and embraced the person that meant everything to him.

Yes, life was definitely getting better!.

The End
 
 
 

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