Sins Forgiven
by Angie T.
Blair glared silently at his lover, looking down at him through narrowed eyes. "Why are you telling me this?"
Jim was kneeling on the floor in front of him, eyes downcast and glittering with unshed tears. "I couldn't lie to you, by going to bed with you tonight and pretending it never happened. It did and I was wrong. I screwed up. "
"No, you screwed HER! I can't believe you! I'm out of town for a few days and you ... you..." Blair clamped his mouth shut and shot a look of betrayal at the man he loved. "I'll be back in a while " He turned and walked out of the loft, slamming the door behind him.
Blair walked without a destination, trying to decide if his love for Jim outweighed the hurt he felt at his lover's infidelity. His life had changed greatly for the better since he met Jim.
When he returned nearly an hour later, Jim was still in the same
position on the floor -- kneeling with his
head bowed. Blair stood by the door for a few minutes, taking
in the
scene. While he understood why
some people enjoyed power games in their relationships, he had
never
felt the need himself. He didn't
want to punish Jim but, perhaps, Jim needed to be punished in order
to
assuage the guilt he felt.
Fine, he could do that.
"All right. This is what is going to happen. For the next
week, I am
OFF DUTY! You cook, you clean,
you do the laundry, the shopping and anything else that needs done
around the loft. In addition, you will
sleep alone. You will not touch me in a sexual manner nor imply
to me
that you would like to. At the end
of the week, hopefully, you will have some idea of what life will be
like if this EVER happens again. I can
forgive once but I'll be damned if I'll do it twice. Any objections?"
Jim shook his head, eyes still on the floor.
"Anything else you want to say?"
"I'm sorry, " Jim whispered. "It won't happen again."
"See that it doesn't. I have research to do. Have supper
ready in an
hour." With that, Blair walked into
the office that used to be his bedroom and swung the door shut behind
him.
********************
"Blair, what's up with Jim? " Simon whispered as he watched Jim
work.
The big man would answer a
direct question, but had not wanted to make conversation and seemed
depressed, quiet even for the often
stoic detective.
"He's got some stuff on his mind... give him a few days. He'll
be back
to normal." Blair seemed
unconcerned, barely glancing at the desk where his partner sat,
apparently intent on his paperwork.
Simon was mystified. Usually, when Jim had a problem, Blair
was beside
himself with worry. He could
only conclude that nothing was wrong since Blair was so blasé
about the
whole thing. He dismissed the
whole thing from his mind, though he was puzzled later when Jim jumped
up to fetch Blair coffee and
was barely acknowledged.
********************
"Man, what is UP with Ellison and Sandburg?
"What do you mean, H?"
"They're acting all weird. Haven't you noticed?"
"Noticed what, guys?"
"Megan, don't you think that Ellison and Sandburg have been acting
strange?"
"Well, I don't know, Rafe. Strange is pretty much normal around
them,
isn't it?"
"Earlier, they were leaving the Captain's office... Ellison steps back
so Sandburg can go through the
door... Jim reaches up like he's gonna put his hand on Sandburg's
shoulder -- like he always does, you
know? -- and then acts like he thinks he'll lose the hand if he does."
"Hmmm.... I see what you mean. You know, Ellison does seem
quiet.
Usually he is either growling at
some one or making a smart-ass comment, but I haven't heard one
word
out of him all day."
"Maybe he's coming down with something..."
"That must be it."
************************************
"Jim, go back downstairs. You know the agreement."
"I know. I just wanted to, " the big man paused, " I just
wanted to
watch you sleep." His voice was so
quiet Blair had to strain to hear the words.
"Two more nights, Jim. Then we'll talk." Blair had to struggle
to keep
his resolve. It nearly broke his
heart to turn his lover away.
"All right. I understand. I... I love you, Blair."
"I love you, too."
***********************************
"Jim. It's time we talked." Blair unfolded his legs from
the lotus
position he had held for the last hour. He
felt his lover's eyes on him as he stretched and flexed. He patted
the
floor next to him and Jim settled to
the carpet a careful 12 inches away.
"I need to know how you feel about all of this, what we have done the
past week." Blair tried to keep his
tone neutral.
"I just want you to know that I am sorry. I shouldn't have done
it and
I swear, it won't happen again."
"Do you have any idea how much it hurt me, Jim? Any clue at all?
Since
the moment I heard you say
you loved me and that it would be you and me, the two of us, forever,"
Blair swallowed hard before
continuing, "since then, I have not so much as looked at anyone else.
Male or female. None of them can
offer me half as much as I get from one touch of your hand. I
thought
maybe you felt the same way.
Now, I'm not sure."
"I love you, Blair, I do. And I'm not sure why I did it.
I want to
blame it on pheromones or something
like that. but I can't. Regardless of why it happened,
it did. And I
am responsible and I take the blame
and it was wrong. And I won't let it happen again. It hurts
too much.
The thought that I betrayed your
trust is killing me and I am going to earn that trust back, I swear
it.
Can we go back to the way it was?
Please?"
Blair shook his head. "No, Jim we can't go back. But..."
He didn't get
the chance to finish before Jim
was on his feet toward the door. "Jim! WAIT!"
The shout stopped the Sentinel in his tracks, but his back twitched
with
the tension his body held and he
didn't turn around.
"I said we can't go BACK... no one can. But we can go forward."
Jim
turned then, hope returning to his
face.
"Forward?" The words sounded like they came from a machine, rusty
from
misuse.
Blair nodded solemnly. "Forward, Jim. Together. We
can get past
this..."
"Blair..."
"What, Jim?"
"Can I kiss you now?"
"Ye..." He didn't get to finish the word before Jim's mouth descended
on his and no more words were
heard for quite a while as they rediscovered their passion in the kiss.
"Blair... take me... please... "
"Upstairs... now."
They broke apart long enough to climb the stairs. Once in the
bedroom,
the Guide began to reclaim his Sentinel.
~~