Disclaimer: The Sentinel belongs to Petfly, Edtv belongs to Universal and Imagine, no copyright infringement is intended.
******************************************************
"He's the one; I'm sure of it," Lydia Chappell's New Zealand accented voice projected supreme confidence. She hit the pause button on the remote and an image of a young man with long curly brown hair and an enchanting smile froze on the tv.
Rising from her seat, she walked over to the set, a vision of upwardly mobile female competence in her mauve business suit and short, dark, oh-so-chic, hairdo. Placing a hand lovingly on the television, she purred, "This is the face that will save the network. Women will adore him."
A stirring from the other end of the conference table attracted the attention of all the assembled. A rather nondescript man with a vacant expression in his eyes fidgeted in his seat. "Who cares what women like? Advertisers want men, young men! This guy looks like a fairy. Is he a fairy? 'Cause we're not gonna have any fairies on UPN."
"Not to worry, Mr. Ballentine. I've already checked this gentleman out and he has a reputation with the ladies, Lydia said soothingly. "His name is Blair Sandburg and he's a post-graduate student at Rainier University, working on his thesis, and, get this, he's an observer with the Cascade PD! Could it get any better? College girls _and_ gun battles!"
There was a buzz of approval from the other executives (all male). 'Babes and Bullets' was repeated several times.
Mr. Ballentine cleared his throat and a hushed silence fell over the room. "I don't know. There are a lot of fairy cops these days and UPN is not going to be known as the network that put on a show about fairy cops." His left eye began twitching rhythmically.
Lydia moved quickly to his side and began massaging his temples. "It will be all right, Gene. I promise you that nothing untoward is going to happen."
"This is a family network, by god, and it's gonna stay that way!"
Bending over and pressing her check against his, she cooed, "Absolutely! There won't be anything on this show to damage our good, wholesome image. Maybe a little sex, but that's only to be expected. He's a young man and young men have needs."
"Damn right, unless they're fairies!" Mr. Ballentine agreed.
"BlairTV; that's what we're going to call it," Lydia continued. "BlairTV will take the critics by storm! Nobody's ever done anything like this. Before you know it, we'll be out of the ratings cellar and giving Fox a run for their money. . "
Mr. Ballentine jumped to his feet, his eyes bulging with fury and a tiny trail of drool coming from his mouth. "We're not in the ratings cellar! We're making improvements every day. It's those damn Nielson's! You know that 90% of their so-called families are fairies now, don't you? How am I supposed to fight against something like that?"
Lydia carefully eased the shaking man back into his chair. "Trust me, Gene. UPN is going to be number 1."
***********************
Three days later, Blair Sandburg lay on his bed, completely exhausted. A tall, voluptuous and naked woman lay on top of him. Brushing the raven hair from her eyes, she encouraged, "Come on Stallion, one more time just for luck."
"I can't Dearcy. Four's my limit. I'm not Superman."
"You're certainly not faster than a speeding bullet," she giggled, attacking an ear.
Blair gasped,"Ow! Watch it with the teeth."
Dearcy sat up cross-legged on the bed. "Blair, there's something that I need to talk to you about."
"Sure, what's on your mind?"
"Well, I have this cousin, see, and she's an executive for a network. You'll like her; she's a kiwi. Did I mention that I had family in New Zealand?"
Propping himself on an elbow, he answered, "No, you didn't."
"Oh, anyway, Lydia is going to make a show about a real person. She's going to have cameras on him 24 hours a day. It'll be like Real World, only really, uh real. Doesn't that sound cool?" She smiled at him hopefully.
"I guess so, if somebody's willing to put up with that kind of invasion of privacy," Blair shrugged.
Stretching out alongside him, Dearcy rubbed her nubile form against his. "That's just it. I sent her a tape of the two of us from my birthday party and she loved it. She loved you. She wants you to star in her show."
Blair laughed incredulously, "You're kidding, right?"
"No, Lydia wants to meet you this evening to talk details."
He pulled away from her and perched on the edge of the bed. "I can't do this, even if I wanted to. Don't forget I share the loft with Jim and he'd never go for it, not in a million years."
Clutching at his shoulders, her brown eyes large and soulful, she pleaded, "I need you to do this, honey. I've made a few bad. .investments. I owe some very bad people $20,000 and if I don't pay them, well, you know what will happen. There's no way I'll ever be able to get my hands on that kind of money, not on my teaching salary. If I convince you to do the show, Lydia has promised to give me the money. Please Blair."
"We could go to Jim," he began.
"No, it would only make things worse." She traced a finger along his jaw. "If you truly care about me, you'll do it."
Sighing, he answered, "I've gotta talk it over with Jim."
***************************
"Stop laughing, Jim! This is serious," Blair demanded.
From his position, sprawled on the couch, Jim Ellison wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "I'm sorry, Chief, but that's a good one: cameras in the loft, following us around 24 hours a day."
"Technically, they'd be following me around."
Glaring at his partner, Jim growled, "You are serious." When Blair nodded, he jumped to his feet and backed away. "Are you out of your mind? There's not a chance in hell that I would agree to be your co-star in some sick reality tv show. What about my Sentinel abilities? How am I supposed to keep them a secret with a camera crew in my face while I'm working?"
"We'd find away around it. It would only be for a month," Blair held out his hand hopefully.
"NO. I can't believe you'd ask me to do that."
Running a trembling hand through his hair, he said, "Then I guess I'll have to move out. Just temporarily, until it's over."
"You'd move out?" Jim shook his head in disbelief. "Why are you so determined to do this? I can't believe that you have the itch to be a star."
"Jim, please understand; I don't have a choice." Blair turned and headed for his room. "I'll get my stuff and be out of here by tomorrow."
"Wait," Jim sighed resignedly, "If it's this important to you, then I guess I can put up with it for a month." A brilliant smile appeared on Blair's face. "You're fantastic, Jim. Don't worry, the month will be over in no time and then we can get back to normal."
"If you say so, Chief." and he added under his breath, "I have a bad feeling about this."
Day 1
6:30 am. The alarm went off and a hand flailed around the nightstand until it came in contact with the clock. Blair opened his eyes and gazed blearily into the camera.
"Oh yeah," he grunted, then rolled out of bed. "Hi, my name is Blair Sandburg and this is my life." He yawned, stretched and stumbled towards the bathroom.
{Los Angeles}
The executives of UPN sat around the conference table and watched nervously. Mr. Ballentine threw down his jelly donut and screamed, "What are those things on his pajamas? They look like fairies!"
The calm voice of Lydia came over the speaker phone. "No, Gene those are fish. It's a joke, he sleeps with the fishes. Get it?"
Grumbling, Mr. Ballentine shoved a crueller into his mouth and muttered, "They look like fairies to me."
**
Blair came out of the bathroom and made his way to the kitchen, three men carrying cameras and equipment in tow. Jim, fully dressed for work, piled eggs and sausage onto a plate for him. The two sat down at the table and Blair said, "This is my roomate Jim Ellison of the Cascade Police. We've know each other for about three years." A camera swung around to Jim and he glowered at it.
"I'm an observer with the police department, so I'll be going to work with Jim today, right?" Blair smiled winningly at his partner, who grunted back. "Okay, let me get dressed and then we can go to work." He hurried off to the bedroom and the cameras followed him.
{Los Angeles}
"Who's that other guy?" Mr. Ballantine hissed.
"It's Blair's roomate," Lydia answered serenely.
"ROOMATE!! I knew it; that guy's a fairy! Pull the plug, pull the plug!!"
"Now Gene,remember your blood pressure."
**
Later, Jim and Blair rode in the truck; the camera crew in back. A microphone poked in Jim's window and he gritted his teeth and glared at the road.
"So Jim," Blair began conversationally. "What're we doing today?"
"The same thing we do ever day," Jim snarled.
"Try to take over the world?" laughed Blair. The murderous look in the cop's eyes wiped the grin off his face. "Just a little joke."
{Ft Lauderdale}
A middle-aged man and a woman sat in at the table eating breakfast and watching tv. "This is stupid," the man said. "When are they going to shoot somebody? This is a cop show, isn't it?"
"Shut up, you idiot," the woman replied.
{St. Louis}
A well-dressed, thirtiesh man sat on a couch, holding a briefcase and staring at the tv. "Look at this Todd, and tell me that guy's not gay."
Todd wandered in and studied the picture. "You mean the big one? Oh yeah, he is sooo obvious"
**
Captain Simon Banks regarded the cameras with disgust. "In my office, Ellison. Not you Sandburg," he added, when the anthropologist started towards him. Shutting the door behind Jim, he plunked down in his seat wearily. "I've just got off the phone with the mayor. She doesn't want the cameras in the station. I think she's afraid they'll catch us abusing prisoners or taking bribes or something like that."
"But I thought we had the it all cleared."
"Until this circus is over, Sandburg's status as an observer has been suspended. I'm sorry, Jim. It's out of my hands."
Jim left the office without a word and motioned Blair over to him.
"What's up, Jim?" he questioned.
"Listen Chief, the brass doesn't want the cameras hanging around the station, so they've revoked your observer status."
"What?" Blair gasped.
Jim put his hands on his friend's shoulders. "It's only till the show's over. I'm sorry, there isn't anything I can do."
"Great, just great," he moaned and turned around to face the crew. "You heard him. Let's go."
****
That night, Dearcy invited Blair over to her place for a romantic dinner. As they ate, the cameras circled around them, looking for the best angle.
"Uh, you look great tonight. That dress is something else," Blair complimented her with enthusiasm.
Dearcy smoothed the skin-tight lavender sheath, with a smile. "I'm glad you like it. I bought it just for you," she gazed at him seductively.
As the camera zoomed in on him, Blair felt his cheeks turn bright red. "That's great, that's wonderful." He rose quickly. "The dinner was fantastic, Dearcy, but I've got an early class tomorrow, so I should be going."
In one swift, fluid motion, she was by his side stroking his chest. "You can't leave yet; you haven't had your dessert."
"Dessert?" he asked his voice cracking.
"Yes, cherries jubilee. I know how fond you are of cherries," she purred and pushed him back down into his seat. "You wait right here and I'll go get it."
She hurried into the kitchen. Blair turned panicked eyes towards the camera crew. One of them held up his thumb and mouthed, "You're in man!"
Blair sprang to his feet and raced to the door. "I gotta go, Dearcy. It's been great. I'll see you tomorrow."
{Boston}
A group of teenage girls huddled around a tv, giggling. "She's such a slut!"
"Yeah, he could do so much better than her. He's so cute."
{Denver}
A half-eaten hamburger smacked into the set and a 20 year old man bellowed, "Are you nuts? Did you see the size of her boobs? You don't deserve to get laid man!"
{St. Louis}
Todd smiled, "He made the right decision. There's something about that woman I don't trust."
His companion, Gary nodded in agreement. "She seemed awfully willing to have sex with him on national tv, even if it is only UPN. I think he would be better off going home to Jim."
"Do you think they're. . " Todd asked raising an eyebrow.
Gary shrugged, "You never know and they do make a cute couple."
{Los Angeles}
Mr. Ballentine flung his chair across the room and bounced a coffee mug off a subordinate's head.
"Fairies! I'm surrounded by fairies! I want that long haired fairy off my network NOW!"
{Cascade}
"Give us a few more days, Gene. He was embarrassed by the cameras. I'm sure once he gets used to them he'll have no problem having sex for us," Lydia assured him, even as she flipped open her cellphone and punched in Dearcy's number.
**
Blair leaned up against the door and took a deep, relieved breath. He smiled into the camera and said, "Well, it's been quite a day hasn't it?"
A throat cleared and he saw Jim sitting on the couch, a book in his hands.
"How was your day?" Blair asked eagerly, plopping down beside him.
"Same as usual," he answered vaguely, eyeing the cameras.
"Tell me all about it. Did you get any breaks on the Landrini case?"
Jim shrugged, "Nothing I can talk about."
"What do you mean? Oh yeah," sheepishly, Blair glanced at his entourage. "Do you want to play cards or something?" The cop stood up. "I don't think so. I'll see you in the morning, Chief."
Blair watched him climb the stairs and disappear from sight. He picked up the remote and clicked on the tv. The screen filled with his own face. Man, do I look lonely, he thought.
Day 8
National Ratings for the week ending April 10:
1. BlairTV
2. BlairTV
3. BlairTV
4. Futurama
5. BlairTV
****
From the Blair4Ever chat room on squidge:
Blairhoney: He's so dreamy! I wish I could grab him and squeeze him til he pops!
LolaInLove: Amen, BH. I want to run my fingers threw his hair.
Blairhoney: I wish he'd dump that bimbo, Dearcy.
LolaInLove: Yeah, I hate her.
SlashWarrior: I think he should get together with Jim. It's so obvious that they're in love.
Blairhoney:
SlashWarrior: Think about it: the 2 of them rolling around naked together on the couch or maybe Jim's room upstairs. LolaInLove: Is it getting hot in here?
SlashWarrior: Maybe they could take a shower together. Blair soaping up Jim's abs and then working the lather into every nook and cranny.
Blairhoney: Ooo, I'm sliding into the gutter!
RobNotBob: You woman are sick! Homosexuality is a perversion of nature. You all need to see a psichiatrist.
LolaInLove: that's psychiatrist, butthead.
Blairhoney: Who you calling a woman?!
SlashWarrior: Hey Bob, I guess that viagra's not working out quite as well you hoped, is it?
******
The Houston Free Press - Editorial
"Will Blair and Jim Come Out?"
by David Snow
The question on everyone's mind these days is: will Blair and Jim come out on national tv. The two, men who live together, work together (before BlairTV) and reportedly vacation together, are seen by most in the gay community as potential ground-breakers and role-models.
Nick Thompson of the Gay and Lesbian Coalition said today, "If these two professional, respected men, who are clearly in love with each other, could find the courage to admit their feelings to the viewing public, it would be a great milestone for gays in America."
UPN sources deny that there is anything between Blair and Jim but a platonic friendship and promise that Blair's relationship with Dearcy Chappell will, in their words, 'steam up your tv screen' in the next few days.
Speaking for myself, I hope this isn't true. I don't think Blair would look good in a beard.
*****
Lydia Chappell sat at her desk, keeping a serene smile on her face and listening while her boss spewed venom over the phone. Dearcy, her cousin, gazed into a tiny mirror and reapplied lipstick.
"Everywhere I turn, there's nothing but fairy talk," Gene Ballentine, head of UPN, screeched. "You should see some of the smut I found on the internet!"
"Now, Gene, you know you're doctor's warned you to stay away from the net; it sends your blood pressure through the roof," Lydia cooed in her crisp Kiwi accent.
"I want something done and I want it done NOW! Hire a hooker if you have to. I can't let UPN be associated with the immorality of fairies," he wheezed, and slammed down the phone.
Placing the phone back into it's cradle, Lydia steepled her fingers and regarded Dearcy with a raised eyebrow. "The network is becoming. . . . impatient. The biggest selling point for BlairTV was the promise of live sex. You told me when you sent me the tape that Blair couldn't' keep his hands off you. Well it's been 8 days and. ."
"I told you the truth. We had sex every night until the show started. It's not my fault he has stage fright," Dearcy protested.
"The bottom line, that we have to deliver the goods and if Blair's not willing to do the deed with you, then we'll have to find someone else."
Dearcy jumped to her feet. "That's not fair! You promised me that if I talked him into doing the show you'd make me a star. Well, I did my part and we're a hit! You ought to be grateful instead of threatening to replace me."
Lydia rose and walked around the desk. Putting a consoling hand on her cousin's shoulder, she said, "Television is all about now. What I said or didn't say in the past doesn't matter. We need to show Blair having sex. With a woman. And if we can't do that then that bastion of homophobia, my boss, is most likely going to cancel us no matter what our ratings are." She paced across the length of her office and finally continued, "I'll tell you what: since you are family, I'll give you one last chance. If you can get Blair into bed tonight, you can stay. Otherwise, I'm flying last month's Playboy centerfold in and see what she can do for us."
"I won't let you down, Cuz. Tonight, I'm going to rock Blair Sandburg's world," Dearcy vowed.
****
Dinner at the loft was conducted in almost total silence. An occasional "pass the salt" or "do you want more bread", was the extent of the evening's conversation. Blair gazed mournfully at Jim, who had his face buried in a newspaper and was steadfastly ignoring his roomate.
The camera crew circled round and round them, trying to liven up this dull scene. At last, Blair, unable to take the quiet any more, blurted out, "Look Jim, I know you're pissed about this whole situation, but can't we try to make the best of it?"
Without lowering his paper, Jim responded, "I'm not pissed."
"You're not? Then how come you've barely said a word to me in the last 8 days?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Blair smacked his fist down on the table (actually, the spaghetti) and fumed, "Stop, just stop, okay? Our friendship is at stake here. We have to find a way to communicate with each other."
Jim stood. "It's your turn to do the dishes, Chief. Connor and I have an all night stakeout, so I'll see you in the morning." He tucked the paper under his arm and walked out.
Sighing regretfully, Blair began to clear the table. "One of you guys want to help me?" he questioned. "I guess it's not in your contract."
A loud pounding on the front door interrupted him. Hoping it was Jim, forgetting his keys, he bounded over and yanked it open. Dearcy stood in the hall, dressed in a trenchcoat.
"Hi Pumpkin, can I come in?" Not waiting for an answer, she pushed him back and shut the door. With an evil smile, she shoved him down onto the floor and ripped open the coat to reveal her completely naked body. "It's time, lover. I can't wait any longer."
"Dearcy, we're on live tv!" Blair squeaked.
"I. Don't. Care. I have to have you're steaming hot manjuices now!" She declared as she straddled him, all the while making porn star faces at the cameras.
"Get off me!"
She pinned his arms to the floor. "Don't fight it, Studboy! It was meant to be." She reached for the zipper of his pants. "Let's show America what you've got!"
"NO! I'm serious, Dearcy," he protested slapping her hands away.
"Oh baby, you should have told me that you liked it rough; I would have brought my whip and handcuffs! Well, maybe Jim has a spare pair around here somewhere." She glanced around the loft speculatively.
Blair grabbed her bottom and rolled her off. Scrambling to his feet, he backed away. "Put your coat on, Dearcy. I think you better go now."
On all fours, she crawled toward him. "Come to mama!"
"Oh shit!," he gulped. "If you're not going to leave, then I guess I will." He jerked open the door and came face to face with his mother.
"Hello Blair and Dearcy too, I see. You know dear, I can show you some yoga techniques that will take the cellulite right off those thighs," Naomi offered with a smile.
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