The Loneliness of the Long Distance Shagger

The Kebab Kid's outward appearance is relatively normal despite an ardour for the consumption of enormous quantities of junk food. This is because of another consuming passion, marathon running.

One Sunday morning, the 'DirtyBoy of the South™' was jogging along Crouch End High Street with fifteen miles and several London boroughs behind him when disaster struck. Perhaps thoughts of the full English breakfast at his journeys end caused him to lose concentration, perhaps it was an uneven pavement,perhaps it was just fate.

For whatever reason, the Kebab Kid sprained his ankle and fell to the ground writhing in pain. Luckily however, help was at hand.

'Are you alright ?', came the voice of a dusky maiden.

'I think so' replied the Kebab Kid as he struggled to his feet and tried to walk.

'Why don't you come inside for a rest ?', suggested the maiden as she gestured towards her front door.

The ironic riposte: 'do bears shit in the woods ?' was the Kebab Kid's unspoken response to each of the questions that followed

'Would you like some tea ?'

Some minutes later...

'Would you like some wine ?'

Shortly afterwards...

'Shall we go to bed ?'

Despite his injury and the exertion of the morning, the Kebab Kid, possessed by lust and fuelled by the previous nights King prawn jal ferezi, keema naan and pilau rice, took part enthusiastically in sexual congress.

Upon completion of the act, he discovered that this 'sexual healing' had completely relieved the pain in his ankle.

He donned his running kit and as his partner slept, quietly left. He continued along his planned route...

...it wasn't until he got home that he realised he was still wearing the condom !