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Christmas My Ass |
Recent research has shown that over 90% of 'Santa's' working for Department stores were known paedophiles. The research was carried out by the "Federation for Consumer Choice" based at the University of Bournemouth. Professor of Retail Science there Jeff Adams said "We were horrified to find this level of perversion amongst the Santas". Apparently the Internet is used to tip off potential Pervy Santas about good Santa Sites and the amount of frotaging to be expected. Parents are advised not to take their children to Department store grottos as it furthers the trade in Santa sites -Professor Adams says "If you're not part of the solution, you are definitely part of the problem".
Suck On My Chocolate Salted Balls
Apparently the most sought after partner has "large egg shaped testicles in a loose and pendulous scrotum". Particularly prized are "Chocolate salted balls" - the nickname for the sweaty testicles of Afro-American Basketball players sucked just after a game and before their shower.
Christmas is Pagan Says Pope
The Papal research also shows that the holiday was always closely associated with the birth of older Pagan gods and heroes. Many of them, like Oedipus, Theseus, Hercules, Perseus, Jason, Dionysus,
Apollo, Mithra and Horus possessed a powerful narrative of birth, death,
and resurrection that was very close to that of the story of Jesus.
We at MartyCam salute this ground breaking move by the Pope
Keep Religion out of Yule!
Fuck the Pope!
Fuck King Billy!
Down with the Baby Jesus!
The novelty Christmas hit record by Chef of SouthPark has been causing a great deal of amusement amongst Outrage activists in London. Peter Tatchell explains "most people think that the record is simply a classic double entendre novelty record. But the record is actually refering to the recent craze amongst San Franciscos Gay commmunity for Ball Sucking. The latest form of safe sex involves vigorous sucking of your partners testicles until climax."
The Pope has just announced that Christmas (literally Christ's Mass) will no longer be celebrated by the Catholic church. The Pope has been increasingly worried by the ongoing commercialisation of the traditional Feast of the Baby Jesu. However, his announcement comes after extensive research into the early historical records of the Catholic Church carried out at the Vatican. Monks from the Ancient academic order of Adamantine have made the discovery that the Christmas feast was adopted by early Christians from a multitude of earlier Pagan rites. They note that "both Martin Luther and John Calvin abhorred Christmas, as did the Puritans who refused to
acknowledge it or celebrate it as to them no day of the year could be more holy than the Sabbath. Apparently Christmas was also made illegal in Boston during the early years of the US."